I"m tempted to make a new name on here. I'm also tempted to do a project with that name. not sure if i should though. what harm could it do, though right? okay, so i'm asking for input on this.  I'm thinking about maing a new name with either the word "unspoken" or "silent" in it. it'll be a name that i use to conduct a month long project where i stop talking.  i'll carry a notebook around with me everywhere i go so i can communicatwe with that cause i don't know sign language >.< but yeah. i think it'll be a good thing to document. i don't know. i'm asking for input. sugestions. little thingd that need fixing. don't be afraid to call it crappy. i'll talk to you all later ^^ 


~ the name is  thexrightxwords  : ]have fun!

CATO!

Current Mood: curious

I am just totally and extremely bored and have nothing to write about. but i did want to write something so i thought i would just write down one of my songs. enjoy!




The Robot Girl

help me
because it hurts to breathe
i can feel the gears
turning
(turning, turning)

turn away,
i just can't stand the pain,
 it is too much today

don't leave me all alone,oh.

i'm calling out for someone,
can you hear me?
it's this thought i find myself thinking
i'm sending out a beacon,
will you find me?
cause i don't like it here...
anymore

I'm falling apart,
i need to find someone to fix this metal heart
i can feel my arms and legs
they're slowing down.
i keep moving
'cause i am so afraid i'm going to drown.
and i'm crying.
i'm just wandering.

don't leave me all alone, oh.

i'm calling out for someone,
can you hear me?
it's this thought i find myself thinking
i'm sending out a beacon,
will you find me?
cause i don't like it here.
I'm calling out for no one,
are you listening?
it's this feeling i find myself having.
i'm sending out a beacon,
can you save me?
cause i don't think that you are near.

processing
all of these memories.
distance makes
it hard to reach.
somewhere, some thing i recall
nothing really at all.
surgery,
and short circuiting
what sort of creature did this to me?

(target lock on, target acquired, target lost, target expired)

i'm calling out for someone,
can you hear me?
it's this thought i find myself thinking
i'm sending out a beacon,
will you find me?
cause i don't like it here.
I'm calling out for no one,
are you listening?
it's this feeling i find myself having.
i'm sending out a beacon,
can you save me?
cause i don't think that you are near.

help me,
because it hurts to breathe
 i can feel the gears
stopping




adieu    :)

 <3 Awesome-sama

Current Mood: bored

btw.. sorry my post was all depressive and angry and stuff after all of your awesome pretty posts ^___^ but my new years has been crap.............. BESIDES BRIELLE'S NEW HAIRCUT!!! wich she won't let me see *glares at brie-chan*  but yeah.. NOTE TO EVERYONE  I TALK TO!!!   




I WUFFLES YOU ALL!!! 

HEARTS AND HUGS!!

GOOD LUCK IN THEE NEW YEAR~!!

BYE!  

So... my sister's 18th birthday passed ... what a joyous day that was. She left on the 20th with her luggage and said " I'm leaving" then walked out the door and didn't come back for 2 weeks till she realized that she forgot something.  and ever since she moved out, she has been nothing but a Horrible person and a BItch to my mom. I don't care what she thinks of my mother, you do not treat her like this when she has been nothing but SPOILING YOU ROTTEN to keep you at home with her. And tell your Fucking boyfriend to stop cursing her off in texts. Honestly?! TEXTS! how ....... disgusting,,, and low.

And When we went to pick you up for the chorus concert...? yeah... what was up with that? It was required for your grade to pass CHORUS!! THE FUCKING EASIEST CLASS EVER!! you don't even have to sing well.to pass. all you needed was a green shirt and to show up. We provided you the green shirt, WHICH MOM BOUGHT OUT OF THE KINDNESS OF HER HEART AFTER YOU TELL HER YOUR LEAVING THE DAY OF AND THEN YELL AT HER EVERYTIME 
YOU SEE HER!! and we were there to pick you up also. WE were rearing to go... all you had to do was put on the shirt.... and get in the car... but no.. you had to take half an hour of just standing there in the shirt to decide that you're going to lie to the teacher and fail.... you don't care. Yeah.... you obviously don't....

So excuse me for being fed up with you and walking out and SLAMMING THAT STUPID DOOR BEHIND ME! Because i am done with you. I used to just write this down, get it out, feel better and talk to you the next day... tried that.. tried a hell lot of that.... I didn't speak to you for two weeks afteerwards becausde i was really done with you. But then you needed a ride to dad's...... and who did you call? Good old Mom....... becasue everyone knows.. she's not going to fight back when it comes to you...she lets you hurt her and lets you abuse her.. Physically and emotionally....and will still help you if you just call...... I really admire the woman.... but I really wish she would punch you in the face and tell you to "fuck off"

And when we finally did talk again.. It was over dad's for Christmas... great thing there.... By the way.. Tell your FUCKING BOYFRIEND  that if he touches me again.. I'm going to Fucking stab him .... He has no right to punch me... regardless if I slammed his stupid door or not....and Naomi.. news flash.... That was no joke.....

Saying that i deserved it for slamming his door... he knows we got in a big fight about it... you don't mention things that almost tear families apart in a joke....and tell your boyfriend not to threaten to choke me... cause I didn't really find that funny either...........................and he mentioned you crying cause i said i didn't care about what you did anymore....... let me tell you.. that was a riot......  A FUCKING SIDE SPLITTER!!

I'm through......... I'm done.............. I've run out, Naomi...... I can't just sit back and take it anymore...... I can't just Be the good sister to you anymore.. no more getting hurt and smiling at you the very next day, ready for another round of how-is-sister-feeling ?

By the way..... You can stop with that 'favorite' crap.... i'm not the favorite... i never was..... Why? Why does getting a toy from the store make me the favorite? why does not getting yelled at when i didn't do a chore make me the favorite? I WAS YOUNGER THAN YOU! Mom didn't expect me to do the chores....and i probably would have cried if i didn't get the toy... you were older than me by two years... and you acted it..... it's not a measure of favoritism.... it's a measure of maturity..... and you obviously have none.... you just want to feel like the victim in your own head..... the only problem with  that is..... you're not the victim... you're the villain.....

you're leaving everyone behind just to be him... doesn't that bother you? at all?


tell me.. is he everything you ever wanted... casue if he isn't... it's an unfair trade..... get your money back before it's too late..... Naomi.. Mom is still waiting for you to come home....almost everyone is....and the worst part about this situation is I'm left with your mess...... Everyone thinks i'm going to turn out to be you..... everyone thinks i'm going off run off like you.... I hate it..... I'm not you.... when EVER was I , you?


I know it's cruel.. but i'm kind of glad that Naomi's going to caught one day....  she's going to get caught stealing birth controlpills,  or whatever..... she's going to get caught using the little friends she has left..... or it might come a different way..... she might get pregnant........ then what?



She wants to burn her bridges so badly?


Fine.... Let's see how well she does all alone... without me... or anyone else.........

Current Mood: I've Had Enough

Heys all. haven't been on in a while. I know. A lot of nothing has just been going on and it still only feels like the weekend.. when does the summer really start?it feels like, at any minute school will begin again.... and i'll have to grudgingly awake at 6:00 to catch the bus.... oh, i hated doing that

but i don't know...... i'm going to be serious for a bit.....

I don't know what it is... or where it's coming from.... but some part of me just wants to run away.

Not from school, hell, it's the summer... but.. I'm not really sure from what. All I know.. is there's this one part of the day, when it's late, and everyone's asleep some part of my brain tells me  you've been getting along fine without her, but can she get along fine without you?  and it's then that i think about running away, because even though she's my mother, she depends on me a lot. She won't admit it, but she still hasn't grown up yet, and i feel like I'm more adult than she is. I believe that one day, i will give in to this voice and run away.

I'm Sorry.......... I Found out........... please don't Hide it anymore........ It Kills me inside when you don't look at me. Just do it aready............ Because I won't.................If you're waiting for me to do it................ I won't.................... I won't hurt you................... because I love you too much............. and I'm sorry that I'm crying now..... and that i've been crying ..............but this just came out of nowhere........... I don't hate you... I just feel like i'm disappearing.............. I'm breaking inside............. I don't want this to end......... but you don't say anything anymore................... and I'll ask you what's up........... but you won't say anything................. don't be like this............please.................... I trust you................. and.................. and...........................I'll try to smile............. I really will.............. so you don't feel so bad when you do it............ but I can't go on like this............... we can't go on like this............... It hurts too much..................... please............. just get it over with............................... so I can smile and you can walk off like you always do............... I'm sorry I wasn't good enough............................. see you in class tomorrow

Current Mood: Breaking Inside

    A few days ago... I stopped talking.  It wasn't because of the shocking news that a boy liked me a little... and that nothing could come from it....... or the fact that while I was crying my mother kept yelling at me. It was because no one was listening. Don't get me wrong... people were hearing what i saying.... but they couldn't hear what i wanted to say-but never could.  They were my friends for so long.. and they couldn't tell. It hurt. but what hurt more was.... how alone i felt. No one could hear me anymore. I used to be able to smile and laugh... and my friends could tell I was sad.  But that somehow went away..... and it hurt to think that I wasn't doing anything different.. i wasn't changing but they couldn't tell anymore. They weren't trying anymore.  Him just saying that was only a drop of water in a full bucket.....but it was just enough for it to overflow. ANd I didn't ned to hear how childish or stupid i was being by crying over a boy. I wasn't. I didn't need to hear how 'enough is enough'. I didn't... they were unnecessary words.. and they were hurtful.... Oh.... they were hurtful. 
    I stopped talking becasue i figured 'why talk... if no one's listening , anyway'. it lasted a little bit... and i was still yelled at. My mother would yell at me constantly and my sister would join in too. They both thought i was being childish.... they couldn't hear me either. I was only silent for two days.. but I accomplished so much.... i discovered that the reason i was scarec of being alone.. was because i felt that i was already alone. I was able to relax.. and enjoy an afternoon all to myself...... I was able to re-evaluate how close i am to my friends.. and i have realized that i distaced myself from them a bit.. and need to work on becoming closer to them. But some of them are fine just the way they are. 
    I have to say Thank you to all my friends who were there for me during this ordeal. I never would have lasted that long without you.  thank you for understanding that i needed time in silence.. even though some of you were scared for me. thank you.  I appreciate it a lot.....  but .. i mean it when  i say.. things are different....
    It feels weird to talk now... because I didn't start talking again becasue i wanted to.and now.. it feels weird to talk.. so... i try not to.. but.. i'm still going to taslk...... it's weird to describe..... It's like being ripped out of the water ... you still think you're in the water.. and you are a bit dazed.. and confused and can't walk right for a bit. And then.. without aything to protet you, like a towl, all you want to do is go back in the water, back to the warmth and peaceful relaxation. But there's just something about being riopped out of the water that shocks you to a point where you won't go back in. 
    I accomplished a lot in two days.. but two days is too short a time.... Yes, I'm going to go to school.. and yes, i'm going to talk.... but..... i'm going to be weird for a while.... because what do you say.. when you are so used to........ just want to say nothing at all? It feels weird to talk anyhow......... but i'm going to try to be cheery.. and talk about bumps on the ceiling and gnomes in my locker ( they moved to the one below me)... and hopefully.. you all understand... and can hear that i'm trying as hard as i can....... 

please hear me this time...............

 

it would kill me if you didn't.......

Current Mood: Silenced from the Inside

    I'm so mad at him and he has no Idea why.... He first noticed it when I wouldn't smile at him. Then he got suspicious when I wouldn't let him near me. He decided to test out this theory by trying to give me a hug around a friend that he JUST saw hug me.  As soon as I push him away he knows something's wrong. He asks me about it, and all I do is glare at him. Did he think I wouldn't find out? Did he think I wouldn't care? It hurts to think that he got over 'LOVE' so quickly. It hurts to think that it was all a lie. 
     The day after we broke up he showed up with four hickeys on his neck.... FOUR!!! THE DAY AFTER!!! Then.... I hear from someone that he had sex with one of my FRIENDS!! only TWO weeks after we broke up!!! TWO!! I thought it was just a rumor, so I didn't act on it immediately, but then I was talking to my friend herself, and she had a broken fake nail. When asked about it, she replied that she hit it against a wall while having sex.... with HIM!! I couldn't hate her.... I know I shouldn't.... Because he's not mine anymore, but also because she wasn't the one who made a big deal about how bad she was in love with me. .... About how much she loved me.....
     I'd still be mad at him if he told me himself, but not as mad as him playing dumb. He knows what he did. I even asked his friend, he doesn't even regret it. So quickly he had her in his bed. Yes, he's not mine, but it still hurts to think that I believed such empty words. 

I'm not stupid..............I'm just a little gullible. 

She was my friend..... He had sex......... with......... my FRIEND!! HOW DID HE THINK I WOULDN'T FIND OUT??!! OF COURSE I WOULD FIND OUT!! I COULD JUST TALK TO HER AND FIND OUT!! HE WANTS TO TALK..... GO AHEAD!! TALK TO MY FUCKING BACK AS I LEAVE YOU BEHIND!!YOU BASTARD!! DON'T TRY TO STOP ME... DON'T EVEN TOUCH ME!!! DON'T TOUCH ME WITH THOSE HANDS THAT TOUCHED HER. DON'T SPEAK TO ME WITH THAT MOUTH THAT WHISPERED SWEET NOTHINGS IN HER EAR!! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT ANYMORE!! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR HOW YOU AND HER ARE GOING TO GO DO IT AGAIN!! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!!! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!! 

...............................................................................
...................................................


I don't want to hear........... how easily............ I can disappear............. from someone's life.

Current Mood: crying

   Coming home, I delved into the freezer and took out the pint of ice cream and went into my room and cried again. I accidentally stepped on a shirt and thought I stepped on My cat again. I had been doing this a lot lately. I've never been so aware of what I was stepping on before. She wasn't here anymore. She wasn't anywhere. 
   I had to live out the rest of my life without her sleeping on my legs. Without her scratching on my door, waking me up in the middle of the night, because she had to go to the bathroom.  Without her hissing at me, without her scratching me. I had to live the rest of my life without her. At all.
   The moment I came home on Friday I turned to my mother and asked on what day we were going to visit Kitty. She just  told me that they had to 'put her to sleep'. What a horrible way to say "death". Sleep brought rest, and relaxation. Sleep brought a new day with breath... and life. 
   I told her I would always be beside her. I told her I would not let her die alone. I told her I would be right back. None of these things happened. None of these promises came true.  It's all so sad. She was blind, and alone, and She didn't know anyone there.  They just gave her the shot. I didn't even say goodbye. I didn't even pet her. 
   My mother lies a lot, but I couldn't help but feel a bitter resentment when I came back from my father's house and she told my sister that she cried all day when she found out. She didn't cry. She didn't even tear. She was such a liar, and I was so mad.  My sister couldn't believe it, her face stuck in shock as the tears slid down and her cheeks went red. She cried a while and then called her boyfriend. I hated him too. I hated him so much right then.
   So I ate all the ice cream, and laid on the couch for four hours.
   I finally got up and wrote this,  tiny tears falling down at long intervals. When someone's gone, anyone, from your life, It is just so hard to understand.  It's worse to hear it twice, Worse when it's only a reminder that they went alone. Promises are always empty , anyway.

Current Mood: Empty

I just remember being on the Twirlie thing at the playground and thinking how much I liked it. Because if i closed my eyes, i got that funny feeling in my stomache that i was hurtling towards some unknown destination. Opening my eyes i would feel like the world was the one hurtling out of control, but then some person would walk by and I would realize the sad truth. I was the one going to that unknown destination. I  then laid down and stareds at the sky, so vast and almost reachable. SO comforting, almost like a giant pillow, just there to relieve youtr thoughts. I closed my eyes as some little kids spun the Twirl a bit.

Today I went to that park again, and the Twirl was gone. They took it away because parents complained that it wasn't safe because their child was being stupid and fell off.

I came home and It was time to give my cat her pill. My sister set her down in the kitchen and screamed. Her eyes were dilated and she was just staring forward.  SHe was panting like a dog and aying on her side. Ym sister said something about her not breathing, but if she wasn't breathing, she wouldn't be panting. A friend of mine, Azumi, was over. She asked if I wanted to go over her house, while in the background my sister was freaking out. I nodded. 

Azumi lived a little while away.. but I dont remembr the walk there, only that I stopped to look at the sky, and she took my hand and led me there. I stared at the sky the entire way there. I wanted to be in the sky at that moment. No thoughts, no hurt, dying cats, just the sky.  We made it to her house and I just sat there on her bed. My  mom called 5 minutes later. Kitty was blind, paralyzed on half of her body, had to have her leg amputated, could have cancer (( or a feline disease that just sprouted after she was born with it)) and she may have to be put down.

All the way home I didn't look out my window. I refused to look nat the sky. SO many thoughts in my head, but I would not lose them. I refused to acknowledge the sky's presence. I didn't say anything to my mother or sister((who was crying)) . I refused to look at anything that allowed her to die. The sky, my mother, anything.  nothing should exist. SHe was dying and no one knew why. My sister was in tears, my mother just made sure to wash her hands of my cat's stink when she got home. Dam it all to hell and fuck this world. Everything sucks.  It's just not fair how easily people disappear from my life.

Okay, so.. Today I was sitting in the luchroom taking a test for about 3 hours. I'll be doing the same thing tomorrow. 
IT SUX!!!!
I fell asleep in French class, spread out along a few desks, and woke up to the Teacher telling me not to diisplay myself like a 'hooker'. Thanks teach.
I then fell asleep in my next class and woke up to a movie where one guy was choking another. It was AWESOME!!!
Okay.. So... i love my pics. Thank you so much briellesabop.... and it's .. like.. not even love... it's like... UBER LURVE!!! hehe.. undead monkeys...
------>
okay... so... I went to kill a spider.. that was crawling on my ceiling.... 
IT WAS HUGE TOO!!!!
 and there was nothing in my house able to reach it except for an old fashioned sponge mop...... so i went to go kill it.. and i squished it with the mop.. and moved it around.... and i take the mop off the ceiling....... and the spider............ starts crawling towards me.
I scream, throw the mop, and hop on the couch with a shoe at the ready.
Long story short, My cat killed it. I love cats.
Ode to my brave cat.
((Meow, Meow, Cats rule))
moving on. 
----->
My house is naturally an ice box. It was freezing this morning.. as usual.. so i put on two sweatshirts and almost die of the cold in school. For some reason they had the air conditioning running. stupid bastards. So I huddled until i got home. So i get home... and i am now dying of the heat in my house. stupid, bastard, irony.

okay.. that's about it for now... going to Anime club down at the library at 7 tonight.  Going to drive everyone mad.. like usual. I'll update you all tonight or whatnot..... maybe tomorrow... who cares, right?

Now.. I leave you off on a happy note!

Random quote of the day:
"Take in the smell of the peaches! SMELL THEM!!"
"DAMMNIT KIM!! STOP HARASSING PEOPLE WITH NECTARINE FRUITS!!"

Current Mood: I will kill you all eventually

I RULE YOU ALL!!!  I AM AWESOME!!! fear me in all i am..... i write randomness.. enjoy.  I also pwn british guys in the UNI!! I have a personal Mikuru... and SHE IS MINE!!!  umm... hellos..... uuh.. i will write more later when I can. remember :

I AM UBER-PWNAGE IN ALL THAT IS PWNAGE!!!

Have a nice day :)


The one and only,
SOSKimmiSan

((Aka:Haruhi))

Ps: DAMNIT MIKURU!! STOP HIDING AND GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM!!

Current Mood: mischievous

I was just bored and looked at all my foxxie smileys and what not.. and i thought this one would be funnier with the words I put in. Thank yous for reading this boring intermission. love yous all! :)

Current Mood: I shall pounce!